Thursday, August 16, 2007
How do you cope with toddler tantrums?
It is a natural human emotion to lose our temper. But when it comes to losing it on our children, it suddenly brings out the devil in us. (Could'nt quite agree)
A study done by the UK National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) suggests that parents who lose their temper often are four times more likely to hit their baby or toddler. What’s worrying is that statistics indicate that one in six of us admit we shout at our children every day and six out of 10 of us have hit our little ones.
Boiling point
Parenting expert at the NSPCC says there are common triggers for losing your temper with your toddler. "Just toddlers being toddlers – throwing their toys on the floor, having tantrums, playing with or doing something dangerous, refusing to do what you’ve asked them, or being aggressive – can drive you to distraction sometimes. Yet all this is perfectly normal behaviour in the under threes," she says.
Furthermore, she adds, "If you've had little sleep, or are feeling very stressed, or bored stuck at home, or anxious or frustrated about relationship or money issues, then your toddler's behaviour can make you lose control. And we've all been there."
When you lose your temper, this can be confusing and frightening for your child. "What they do one day may not provoke your anger, but on another day it may. They get mixed messages," Hayes explains.
Jo Douglas, clinical psychologist and author of Toddler Troubles agrees that it is easy to feel as if your children are deliberately stirring you up. "But they're not," she assures us. "They may be trying to exert their independence, or get your attention. Often they resort to screaming because they're not able to express their feelings. And young children have short memories so perhaps they can’t remember they’re not supposed to do something."
Stay calm
The key to staying in control is to first ask yourself why you're reacting with rage. When you’ve found out the reason – are you tired, do you need a break, have you been bored to death staying at home all day - you can then find a solution.
If you regularly lose your temper in the long run, you need to ask if you're getting enough sleep or if you're getting enough support from your partner. Perhaps you need help around the house? Or do you need to spend more time outdoors and less time at home? If you feel your temper is out of control, anger management courses can also help.
Most parents don't end up needing professional help, but it makes it easier if you have a few simple strategies on hand. "When I feel I'm boiling with anger, I quickly walk out of the room, even for two minutes, just to calm myself down," says San San, 30, homemaker and mum of James, 18 months. "That way I check myself and make sure I don't do something I would regret later, like smacking him."
If you leave your toddler alone while you get yourself together, always make sure that he's safe when he’s on his own.
Developing some simple mantras or mindsets can also help. "Try repeating to yourself: 'I'm in control' or 'I'm going to stay calm'. And remind yourself that you are the adult – and that you can master your emotions," says Hayes.
Other effective strategies include playing your favourite CD to full blast to distract you away from your anger. You can also put your child in the stroller and get outdoors for some fresh air.
Hayes says, "I tell mothers to remember what they learnt at their antenatal classes – picturing a calming scene such as a river, sea view, anything that can transport them in their mind to a serene place," says Hayes.
Changing your routine can also help in deflating those stressful moments. For example, if he always kicks up a fuss at bath time, you could try asking daddy to do it instead.
As a parent, you need to learn to express your anger more effectively. "Instead of resorting to childish behaviour yourself, calmly repeat what you want your little one to do or not to do,” says Douglas. “Stop a tantrum in its tracks by distracting your child, by saying 'let's play this', or by giving him a hug. Use humour – do a funny dance or pull a funny face."
A study done by the UK National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) suggests that parents who lose their temper often are four times more likely to hit their baby or toddler. What’s worrying is that statistics indicate that one in six of us admit we shout at our children every day and six out of 10 of us have hit our little ones.
Boiling point
Parenting expert at the NSPCC says there are common triggers for losing your temper with your toddler. "Just toddlers being toddlers – throwing their toys on the floor, having tantrums, playing with or doing something dangerous, refusing to do what you’ve asked them, or being aggressive – can drive you to distraction sometimes. Yet all this is perfectly normal behaviour in the under threes," she says.
Furthermore, she adds, "If you've had little sleep, or are feeling very stressed, or bored stuck at home, or anxious or frustrated about relationship or money issues, then your toddler's behaviour can make you lose control. And we've all been there."
When you lose your temper, this can be confusing and frightening for your child. "What they do one day may not provoke your anger, but on another day it may. They get mixed messages," Hayes explains.
Jo Douglas, clinical psychologist and author of Toddler Troubles agrees that it is easy to feel as if your children are deliberately stirring you up. "But they're not," she assures us. "They may be trying to exert their independence, or get your attention. Often they resort to screaming because they're not able to express their feelings. And young children have short memories so perhaps they can’t remember they’re not supposed to do something."
Stay calm
The key to staying in control is to first ask yourself why you're reacting with rage. When you’ve found out the reason – are you tired, do you need a break, have you been bored to death staying at home all day - you can then find a solution.
If you regularly lose your temper in the long run, you need to ask if you're getting enough sleep or if you're getting enough support from your partner. Perhaps you need help around the house? Or do you need to spend more time outdoors and less time at home? If you feel your temper is out of control, anger management courses can also help.
Most parents don't end up needing professional help, but it makes it easier if you have a few simple strategies on hand. "When I feel I'm boiling with anger, I quickly walk out of the room, even for two minutes, just to calm myself down," says San San, 30, homemaker and mum of James, 18 months. "That way I check myself and make sure I don't do something I would regret later, like smacking him."
If you leave your toddler alone while you get yourself together, always make sure that he's safe when he’s on his own.
Developing some simple mantras or mindsets can also help. "Try repeating to yourself: 'I'm in control' or 'I'm going to stay calm'. And remind yourself that you are the adult – and that you can master your emotions," says Hayes.
Other effective strategies include playing your favourite CD to full blast to distract you away from your anger. You can also put your child in the stroller and get outdoors for some fresh air.
Hayes says, "I tell mothers to remember what they learnt at their antenatal classes – picturing a calming scene such as a river, sea view, anything that can transport them in their mind to a serene place," says Hayes.
Changing your routine can also help in deflating those stressful moments. For example, if he always kicks up a fuss at bath time, you could try asking daddy to do it instead.
As a parent, you need to learn to express your anger more effectively. "Instead of resorting to childish behaviour yourself, calmly repeat what you want your little one to do or not to do,” says Douglas. “Stop a tantrum in its tracks by distracting your child, by saying 'let's play this', or by giving him a hug. Use humour – do a funny dance or pull a funny face."
Labels: Parenting
¶ 3:26 PM
